Cease Fighting

I have been thinking a lot about surrendering and letting go lately. How they’re the same but different. How you can do one but not the other. How, like so many of the things I talk about, they can be defined as uniquely as the person themselves.

I was in a coaching session last week and it was suggested that I find out what surrendering means to me, and to actively let go of things as they arise in my mind, pertaining to healthy things I may be resisting. This has been on my mind a lot this time. Often my assignments are such that I don’t have to focus too much, I just do it and am happily surprised with the results, but this has had my mind a spinnin. I’ll tell you why.

In recovery, we talk of surrendering as ceasing fighting anyone and anything. Turning my will and my life over to something so much bigger than my damn self. As I expand on this I must tell you that this is very powerful in me. I didn’t know it until I started typing, but tears flood my eyes as I do.

Surrendering sounds so defeating doesn’t it? It sounds like giving up, losing, throwing in the towel, dare I say… failure. Well, no! Quite the contrary. Gooooodness, if I could only translate through words and pictures how this saved my life. I can’t. What I can say is that surrendering allowed me an emotional freedom that not many things do. It goes along the same line as acceptance for me. Once I surrendered that I was powerless over alcohol, that I have absolutely no control over other people, that as long as I’m doing my part the rest is really none of my business… well, shit, what a load off, no? I mean, living in that place of constant control over things you really have no control over…. OR trying to control other shit because you can’t control that shit. Yeah… that’s what NOT surrendering looks like. Exhausting. Utterly exhausting. I have to surrender every single day that I am only in control of myself and decide then and there what that looks like. Every. Single. Day. How I parent, work, play, meditate, make my mark on the world, and the legacy that I want to leave behind. That is my surrender. Because isn’t all of that enough, for Pete’s sake? Taking on the other crap… no thanks, I’m goooood.

Letting go… Oh Lordy… letting go. Let’s just say that sometimes this is a minute to minute type thing over here. When you have four kids, letting go can look a lot like “choosing your battles.” Letting go for me is kissing off all the things that don’t serve my health or my happiness. Letting go of regret. YES! Resentfulness, anger, needing to be right, the woulda, coulda, shouldas, the neeeeed to do this, the neeeeed to do that, and expectations. Letting go for this chic looks a lot like living in the moment. I have to practice this constantly, alas it is a wonderful way to live, and I’m extremely lucky to have people in my life that remind me regularly. I’ve even learned to let go of the fact that I need to be reminded of the wonderful ways to live. 😀

LET GO!!! SURRENDER!! It will serve you! If only to preserve energy. There is so much energy involved with holding onto things that hurt and hinder us. The weakness comes in denying the power these things steal from us in getting and being well. I’m so grateful to reserve that energy on things that allow me to continuously evolve into something better. I need all the energy I can get for that. 😉