The power of finding your calling. I mean, it’s a real thing. My passions are many, and man do they run the gamete… How does one decide what they’re supposed to spend their entire life doing when that’s the case? In all honesty I’m really struggling with this. It’s a luxury problem for sure, but pinpointing what you want to pursue as to help the masses but also make good business decisions… It’s confusing. I’m confused.
I received my first Reiki (energy healing) treatment about 15 years ago and was immediately moved. I think partying and insecurity surely got in my way of pursuing it back then, but it definitely impacted me. I’ve thought about it since but again, the timing must not have been right to look into it further. Which leads me to about 3 weeks ago…. I had an energy session done that I’m still thinking about. I was sure, then and there, that energy work is absolutely something that I’m supposed to be doing. And it was like a weight off in a sense. A massive “Ah Ha” moment! This is what speaks to me. This is my destiny. I am in constant aww as to what our bodies are capable of and have witnessed first hand the power in the hand… our body’s energy. I sigh at this. It moves me.
Heeeere’s where I get caught up though… Grrrrr…. I sometimes will not relinquish control and just give it over to the skies to decide… and start thinking too damn much. I go right into, “what about affiliate marketing? I like that. It’s definitely helping me pay the bills. It’s easy. Okay, yes, I’ll keep doing that. Totally.” Then I start spinning about how much I desire giving a voice to depression, eating disorders, alcoholism, raising a child with special needs, and branding myself as a writer and author online. I so much want to help people in those areas, somehow… someway. BUT I get very overwhelmed very fast about what that entails, because, if I’m being honest, there is a LOT of things I have yet to learn to get that up and running. THEREin lies my fear. Is not knowing what I need to know my excuse for not moving forward? And is it because of fear of failure or success, OR am I really just that lazy and expectant to have things just fall in my lap? Seeeeriously….
Ugh… welcome to my brain. I want to be fulfilled but don’t really want to work to be so. Noooo, that’s not it. Time… it’s time. I don’t have enough time to sit and learn and watch and read and study. Nooo, that’s not it. Mindset… it’s my damn mindset. I doubt myself too much, am sure that I will make past mistakes, and don’t trust that people want to hear what I have to say. Hmmmm…. that could be it a little bit. Crap. Fear… surely it’s fear. Success or failure will bring with it change and other unknown emotions that are, well, unknown. So, yeah, fear is underlying there I imagine, almost for sure.
So let’s talk about these things and how they can screw up any chance of success and service to others you dream about. Pleasant thought, right. Well….. I swear, in all of my reading and research the thing that keeps coming up, of late, is past conditioning. What a crap hand to be dealt. I mean, I am so conditioned that shit hits the fan or I quit or I fail or that change will hurt others that I have been stuck in a spiral of not succeeding for all my life. Can you believe that? Yes, I know, I’m an adult, I am responsible for myself and actions of today. Totally agree. Doesn’t change the fact that knowing why and what isn’t completely necessary to move forward. So much of our self sabotaging comes from a subconscious place and we can’t acknowledge until we understand it. So that is one of my main focuses today. How did I get here and how, on a conscious level, do I address it? It’s helping, working.
Being a positive person is brilliant. I can find the positive side to almost any situation at all times. It’s a thing, a gift maybe, but we’re talking surface. It is easy for me to be positive on the surface. What I see and feel I generally understand and can get positive around all the time and eventually. It’s the silent, underneath chatter that is keeping me stagnant. So even though I might be saying one thing, in all it’s upbeat and positive glory, at the exact same time, underneath and subconsciously I’m saying, “nope, not me, I can’t, I never have, now isn’t any different, I will always……” Imagine. But that’s a real thing for me. It’s not intentional, in fact, it sucks balls, but my subconscious is strong and not going down without a fight. I do fight it and believe that my conscious fight will win for sure, but it takes consistency. My mindset is strong and very determined, knows what it wants and knows ways to change it. It’s only a matter of time before I kick old conditionings ass completely into oblivion. It’s getting weaker so anytime now really.
Fear is a straight pain in the ass thing. It presents itself in all sorts of different ways and is very sneaky at that. If I can continue to turn my fear of hard work, failure or success, and what is yet to come into love… love of life, prosperity, and myself well then the world just completely opens up. I’m tired. I’m tired of the way things “used to be.” My passions are too great to be stifled. I believe that my path will be laid out before me, I just need to stay the course, stay positive, fill full up with love, and keep doing the work. I have so much to give and only want to do just that.
What are some ways you propel yourself out of stagnation? Today I’m staying consistent. I’m filling my mind with mind reading and positive affirmations. If there’s one thing I preach it’s consistency and fake it till you make it. I will affirmation myself into believing through. It’s a real thing.
If there’s one thing I know for sure and witness all of the time it’s that if your mindset is working for you and not against you, you can truly move mountains. Believe.