Stop Blaming, it’s Exhausting

Sooooo… guess who’s responsible for your happiness and success?? YOU, silly!!!! Man oh man, if all the world could only grasp this we’d get somewhere, right? So today, let’s talk about blame and taking responsibility.

My very good friend did a video about this yesterday and she’s as blunt as I am. I love it. Her message was basically, be prepared to continue to fail if all you’re willing to do is blame everyone and everything for your lack of success. She is not wrong.

I’ve always been passionate about this topic. Well, once I figured out the lesson for my own damn self. Of course it’s easier to say that it’s someone or something else’s fault for our behavior, our actions, or our lack of success. I absolutely, positively believe that. It is so impossible sometimes to take ownership and do the right thing…. but that is what NOT blaming is… the RIGHT thing.

I can tell you from personal experience that blaming was my easy way out, it worked often, but felt terrible. Taking ownership was so hard, was met with acceptance, and filled with integrity… I’ll take hard any day of the week. I know… WHAT? But hear me out… Having lived with very little integrity in the past, it’s worth the hard every single day of the week. Not only do I now have integrity, but I get to teach my children about how important it is… a lesson never passed down to me.

In life taking responsibility looks a lot like admitting when we’re wrong, making amends, allowing other people to have a choice, a say, an opinion. It’s continuously working towards growth while simultaneously practicing humility. Just two sentences… sounds easier than it is, right? I agree with that. If you weren’t taught the simple actions of taking responsibility and not blaming, or you suffer from insecurity or the like then it is a rougher road for certain… But a very worthwhile road all the same. How those things feel vs just skating by or blaming outside circumstances will always and every time be worth the hardship. I promise.

Let’s talk about this in relation to success in business because it’s a big one… And one I’m familiar with. Mine looks a little different. When others around me are successful I’m more inclined to just stop working, assuming I’m incapable in relation to them. Which is also a problem, a big fat lie and fear all by itself. Something I work on regularly and now throw myself into learning more instead of up and quitting. But I see it all the time… people blaming other people and other things for their failures or lack of success. Now don’t get me wrong, I think circumstance is a real thing, but I also believe in solutions. When you find yourself living in the solution of any kind of problem or speed bump, success will follow. If we up and quit every time someone or something got in the way there would be no success. It’s the fastest way to stop blaming… to realize that it’s just you putting the brakes on something because that’s easier than living in the solution. I believe in solutions to the point that simply not doing or giving up is a solution, BUT it must fit the case appropriately. For example, if a person is continuously giving you bad advice in an area you’re trying to work on, the solution might be to simply stop going to that person rather than blaming them for your lack. Or if using a certain program always leads you to needing to repeat the task, simply giving up on that program would be living in the solution. You feel me?

Living in the solution is one of my most favorite, favorite sayings because it in in fact taking responsibility. I can admit my weaknesses and work to improve them, I can be honest about past mistakes and have a good laugh at myself, I can try things, fail, and try again because all of that is better and more fulfilling than blaming and throwing my integrity down the toilet any day of the week, minute of the day.

It all comes down to choice, doesn’t it? Do the work to be happy with you so that your actions in turn are actions of integrity. Sounds easy enough. It’s not, I get that, but it’s worth it every single time. Every time I choose to work on myself in an area that needs a little tweaking I am forever grateful that I did the work. It may not be easy to continually educate yourself on yourself but the result is ownership. The kind of pride that doesn’t need to come with blame. We don’t have to be perfect, there is no such thing, but we do have to be honest. And if we’re being honest it is very rarely someone or something else’s fault that we aren’t where we want to be. So really think about that… you can either get busy blaming, which will result in a whole lot of nothingness. Or you can get busy doing which results in respect, results, and integrity. You decide.