It’s time to finally start talking about the tough topics… yeah… I address many, and to be honest, some of the toughest topics to discuss aren’t tough for me at all. I think it’s necessary for living authentically. I don’t have the patience for anything else anymore. My truth is my truth. It’s some ugly and some beautiful and the balance is awesome. It was when I started getting honest that my life started to look how I imagined it might. Things began to open up, and everything started to make sense.
There’s an area that I don’t address much and that area is family. Dun dun dun…. It’s a tough one. If I’m being authentic then I would talk about how my family dynamic growing up affected my… well… everything, and yet it’s tough because my intention would not at all be to hurt them. I struggle with it enormously. Especially since what I think I want to focus on in my work is clearing and healing ancestral lineage (or breaking the cycle of family dysfunction). I am so beyond passionate about shit starting over with me. Boom! Taking what I’ve known having been passed down from generations to attribute to my crazy and change it as to STOP the cycle with my children… and me (reconditioned). If I accomplish nothing else but that in my lifetime then I will feel it a success. If my legacy is that I helped to change the unhealthy and emotionally damaging dynamics that I was raised with as to offer my children a chance for a healthier and a more spiritually filled existence then YAY me! For real.
I know… I know… there’s always something. I’m for reeeeal for real not perfect, so if not what I was raised with then certainly something will offer them an opportunity to do the same thing one day… have a need for reconditioning. Who knows. But I am learning so many things in which to raise my babies with (and without) some of the things that I found damaging. I have to believe that it’s beneficial. Screw that, I know that it is.
When I look at where I came from it’s easy not to blame because, although I hate this sentence, my parents did the best they could with what they knew, I know that and I believe that. They had to come from somewhere too and where they came from was very much the same. Just repeating patterns for living that were taught to them. We are a part of an intense generation. The research, the medicine, the law, the self discovery, the diversity of everything… including spirituality… we are just becoming a more unique, individual, taking the road less traveled by society. If something is broke, we fix it, rather than just do what our parents did. It is by far the most major difference of today in speaking of this type of thing. My father was raised in a gruff and unemotional household so it never occurred to him to pursue another way to be. It wasn’t what was done then. It was almost expected, I think. Ancestors pass down recipes, traditions, and emotional sickness and it was just expected that we follow suit.
I think my particular generation had several uncommunicative parents. Meaning there was a LOT of under rug sweeping. Let’s just keep quiet about this as to avoid it altogether. Never happened. From a very, very young age I was horrible about handling emotionally driven times, even the death of grandparents, because I didn’t know how. I had no idea how. In 8th grade I’d already had a couple of break ups, because I looked to boyfriends to make me feel worthy, and had been bullied off and on since 5th grade. How I handled this was not to talk about it, no no, but to hibernate in my room, that was in the basement no less, and write poetry about killing myself. In 8th grade. It was very dark and lonesome times.
I think I’m going to be able to do a couple of articles on this topic. Maybe several. So for today let’s leave off with some healing thoughts. We aren’t our ancestors, we aren’t our past, we aren’t ruined. If your history has a little pain and dysfunction sprinkled all about it, try not to worry. Recognizing it is huge in and of itself. What you do about it, well that’s the most important thing, but recognizing it is first and necessary. And then accepting that it’s unacceptable is next. Healing begins with the realization that we have the power to break the cycle and be authentically ourselves. It comes down to that word I use so often…. choice. We have to choose that we want to do things differently. Choose what we want our lives to look like. Choose to make new traditions and choose what might be deemed as the less popular path because that is what speaks to us. In the end, what it really comes down to is being present, really here in the present moment as to be your most authentic self, but finding your path for healing your lineage and your subconscious mind. We’ll talk more about all of this next time. Much love.