Let Go without Letting Go

So holy crapola face… Yeah… that’s how I talk sometimes… :p I need to fill you in on something that is happening to me since my 11 year old started middle school.

I have been spending the entire length of my time as a momma doing my absolute best to raise good people, while simultaneously shielding them from the world without helicopter parenting. Impossible, right? Yeah… I know. Well, turns out there is very good reason for this.

I was bullied terribly in middle school. So bad that I carried it allllll the way into adulthood. Gahhhd… if I could have told those girls then how damaging their treatment would be, I have to believe that they would have at least thought twice, but it ruined any chance of self esteem, self worth or security that I ever had a chance of having. And because of the generation maybe, I didn’t talk about it, I suffered (like really suffered) in silence and what little my parents did know, they had no idea how to help me. It was the most miserable time in my life and that is saying something. I think I’m able to say it was the most miserable now simply because of how it resonated all over the damn space of my life. It’s also why I am who I am today so it can come full circle, but fuckin A… it sucked hard.

I was afraid every single day. Every day. I never knew what to expect, I couldn’t eat, I dreamed about moving and starting over, I never, ever knew who to trust, I had a constant stomach ache, I had anxiety that I titled my “breathing thing” that made me think I was dying so the anxiety just got worse, I took out my emotions on my siblings and parents, wrote poetry about suicide and plotted how I would do it, then had an anxiety attack because I was too much of a coward to follow through. Oh. My. God. I would not ever go back to that time in my life if you paid me One Billion dollars. No joke. Not even a hint of a funny. No way, no how. Traumatized for life.

Now I’m raising small people and they have to go to middle school. Fuck. They just do. I took Char to orientation a couple of weeks ago and was flooded… I mean flooded with emotions. I was not prepared for how my innate self took over. I went immediately back in time and was a hot mess…. (he would have never known it, it was all about him and I made sure he knew it, but inside I was faaahreeeeaking out). Not a clue that that’s how I would respond. Just wild. Caught me completely off guard.

Well, just over a week ago I sent him off to his first day of the dreaded middle school and I am losing it. I have been so hard on him. If he could just make sure he does this, this, that, and that correctly, maybe, just maybe he won’t get bullied. It has been toxic and I think (fingers crossed) has come full circle. I still have some work to do, clearly, it’s largely why I’m writing this, but I had an honest conversation with him the other day. I had to apologize to him and explain. I have some letting go to do… his path is his path, not mine. I can take what I’ve learned and help to guide him but he has to pave his way. And he will. I cannot control his outcome (much as I’d like to)…

I think the hardest part is that I see so much of me in him… he’s sure of himself but insecure, smart, handsome, and polite and even in the face of over all mostly goodness, I still got bullied… no one is immune and it scares me to death. I think life is just so very complicated enough. I think that there is enough in the world to go through to try to find yourself, your meaning, your way, that being afraid and bullied in addition to that is just cruel, and my heart hurts at the prospect of it. It just does.

I really am trying not to project on to a situation that doesn’t even exist, I’m trying to let the healing path that I’ve traveled for the last several years come to the surface to help me get through this weird visceral reaction, and to of course be there in a healthy way for my wee ones on their very own journeys.

It’s a learning experience for certain. One I wasn’t planning on. We went from being sore at each other to coming to some sort of bond out of this whole emotional mess of a couple of weeks. He got to know me a little bit better and I got to hold him tighter while at the same time releasing him just a touch.

I said I would never try to live through my kids, I’ve been a kid, been there done that, what they do in their childhood is theirs. I will be there to support them through it all with as much love, drive, pushing, punishing, and guidance that they need. But I also have to change the fact that I thought I knew anything about anything because if this caught me off guard just imagine what is yet to come. Oy vey! I could fear it and dread it and try to shelter them from having any experiences like my own, but I’m not going to.

The moral of the story, truly, is to just let go. Let go of the past. Let go of controlling outcomes. Let go of needing to do it just right. Let go of knowing what you think you know. Be present, be aware, be available and love. Just love em up entirely because that conquers a whole, whole lot of shit in the face of life and all her shit.

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Healing. Yeah, Healing

I have to talk about this, but bear with me because it just happened on Friday so I’m still processing and reeling some, if I’m being honest…. I’m not sure I can make sense of it in words… but I’m going to try.

First let’s talk about all of the things that we can do to aid and assist in our well being. I talk a LOT about recovery, mental, and emotional health, right? Well, what works for some might be different than what works for others. What is really cool is that as we evolve we might find that to be true even inside our own journey. So for example, therapy worked for me for years. I mean years. It kept me hungry to continue to seek inside my “why I am the way I am.” And there was a lot of growth in that. Though I’m not nearly done with that I’m finding my help in other ways today. Finding myself through energy healing, tarot, and spiritual guidance is nearly knocking my socks off. Yep… my outer princess has found her inner hippie and it’s awwwwsome! Though really, she’s always been there. It is amazing and even that word seems menial. I cannot believe the things I’m learning, how it’s leading to an enormous amount of healing and taking ownership, and how the amount of self awareness, care, and love are exploding. Oh my gosh… I just have no clue how to express that.

I still find crazy importance in keeping my foot inside meetings, surrounding myself with soulful people, the outdoors, yoga, meditation, rest, and reading books for the mind, but there can be absolutely no discounting in what our bodies are built for and designed to do. The energy that our bodies possess is beyond fathomable. I’ve always believed in the law of attraction but what I’m learning about how my own body’s energy can work for itself is mind blowing. I always liked the idea, thought it was cool, but just looked on at it as it would never work for me…. not for my level of crazy. But once I went all in on the belief factor, realized my crazy was not unique, and practiced it with a “there’s no way in can hurt to try” mentality I was astounded by the results, and kind of pissed actually that I didn’t go all in sooner.

What’s so important about not getting stagnant or afraid to try less conventional things is that there is always more to discover. I learned something on Friday that goes hand in hand with something I’ve been working on, is actually a piece of it that I never considered, that literally blew my mind as well as made my path much more clear. Wow! Right?! Different people, different ideas, different methods…. don’t rule anything out. Now, I could also say that you shouldn’t overwhelm yourself. There is such a thing as too much. If what I was doing right now wasn’t along the same plane I might pull back in one area as to make sure I’m getting all the value I can, but in the same breath, I’ll say, don’t limit yourself. What is speaking to me has to do with the sun and the stars, mother nature, self energy, and more. What may speak to you could be meds, bicycling, and going to bed early…. right? So it’s all going to be a myriad of combinations for each of us because we’re all individuals with different stories. What makes us the same is that we should find our combo. It’s important to have one. There isn’t a one of us that shouldn’t be helping ourselves be the very best version of ourselves. Once we’re inside of that journey the outside journey sort of just presents itself.

Can I just tell you that in doing this kind of inside work, making new choices, and really honing in on what has made me feel broken all of these years is making it crystal clear what my life’s work is meant to be. I mean WOW right?!! I’ve always agreed with that being said and suggested to me, but even though the path I have been paving was in fact helping me, it was in being open to less conventional things that truly spoke (dare I say screamed) to me. It fit, it resonated, it glowed, and burned…… inside of me. I cannot express how that makes the recovery evolve… when you find your jam. Fo realz! F*ck… I feel like I’m holding back some how!! It’s so hard to explain. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ ๐Ÿ˜‰ Gahhh…. I’m in awe of where my life is going. All just for being open, honest, and willing.

I will hope, pray, and channel, always, for you to find this feeling. Don’t ever stop looking for it.

Find me on Facebook and Youtube. And join me in business…. it’s in choosing this line of work that led me to where I’m going. Crazy but true.

 

Ebb (grrrr) and Flow

Today I was talking with a friend and feeling very frustrated. I originally started with blaming outside things… but no no, worry not… it was and is always me. My frustration stemmed first from my character defects presenting themselves strongly on this particular occasion, which led to then being frustrated that I was unable to keep my defects from surfacing. What a debacle, right?

So let’s talk. Two things come to mind. We are never, not ever, done working to improve ourselves. And two, whenever our panties are in a neat little knot there is a very good chance we are to blame. Damnit! Right? I hear you!

When you’re undoing things from your past, or are in recovery, or are striving for change there is a journey there that we wish had an ending place… at least I do… or that’s how I behave anyway. So here we are undoing behaviors that, for all intents and purposes, are ingrained in us… strongly and hoping that when addressed and counseled just, poof, disappear. If only. The unfortunate truth is that it will probably take just as long to undo as it was actively ugly. SO…. we do things daily to gently remind ourselves to stay the course. Exhausting, no? Well no because it’s better. It just is. Some days it’s just harder. Harder but doable.

If you’re anything like me then you have a very good “forgetter”…. I can ride high for 2 or 3 weeks after a therapy or life coaching session because in those sessions I am reminded that I am not my past, that the work I’m doing is working magic, and I’m on a beautiful path. BUT after a couple few weeks I start to forget if I’m not doing the things that most benefit me, and I’m off… right back into old thinking. Sigh…. It makes me bat shit that it’s still there. I’ll have my wee pity party of why do I even bother if this is where my head is going to go eventually anyway??… And then when the party ends (which usually means telling on myself to a trusted friend) and I get back on course with meditation, work and reading, things miraculously start to look rosier again. What’s that called…. ebb and flow? Yeah, well if I’m being honest… ebb can kiss my ass. Alas, it’s progress not perfection. No shit on that note!

Okay… what was the other thing?? Oh right… It’s me. Dang namnit… it’s always me. Okay, not always, there are some real assholes out there… but mostly, yep, look in the mirror Einstein, your ego and your fear and your laziness are making everything and everyone the bad guy again. Isn’t that rich?? Ego and fear can make me quit, blame, cry, and crazy. Now that is exhausting.

It’s so much more productive and more pleasant to admit what the hell is going on and ask for help. So why is that so impossible? Well crap, because old behaviors are familiar and even comfortable…. sick as it is. It’s easier to feel those old feelings and respond accordingly than it is to keep propelling in the change. It just is. So we do the tug of war dance with our old self, and with what we’ve learned to help and heal us… and we choose. I’m grateful today that my choice, after my dance, always falls on the growth and change side, but it took a lot of time to get here. I still completely suck at allowing myself to get sucked in to the old stuff, but after some hard work, it’s shorter visits there and quicker recovery. In the end I know what to do, how to do it, what led me there, and what the healthier side looks like. I believe with how different things are today that only more good things are to come.

Never stop healing and improving upon yourself. You’re so very worth it.

 

Never Ever Ever

Here we go… One of my favorites… ALWAYS and NEVER. I always quit, I never cook, always, never, always, never. Ugh… It’s so final. Nothing is final. Do you feel me here? On a spiritual level, for sure. On an evolution level, totally. On a universal level, mmm hmmm. On an every day level, yep. Even if certain things are intellectually final, it’s still not a healthy place to reside. Saying I never cook implies that, well, I never cook. Which isn’t true in the first place, but psychologically sets me up to never learn to cook or like to cook by stating it so black and white as never. I always quit everything I’m good at. Ugh… that’s my pattern, for sure, but to state it with such finality leaves little room to change that pattern.

Two things… what we tell ourselves we generally end up believing. And what we think generally gets called into existence. So even if it is true that I normally quit things I’m good at, it would only serve me to stop talking about that in those terms. Rather saying the polar opposite in that I see things through. That is a much better place to reside in your mind.

A detrimental thing happens as we grow up… it’s so common and not what one would think as a problem, alas it is what allows us to see certain things as final. We, more times than not, get labeled or tagged as always being a certain way when we are children. Our parents talk about us with these attributes candidly as a way to sum us up. Sometimes with laughter, sometimes with frustration. But labeled with finality all the same. Think about it… in what ways were you labeled as a child? I was always late. A quitter. Terrible with money. And finally the black sheep. Guess how many of those things I carried into adulthood with me?? Yep… all of them. I’ve made conscience choices in the years since to change those things, but brought them with me I did.

It leads me to what this article is ultimately about… Let’s do always and never but let’s do it in a way that serves us by way of the universe and positivity. You feel me? I’m always successful. I’m always financially free. I’m always available to my children. I’m always an attentive wife. So, ok, there’s a finality to that too, but it’s less reckless. Those are things that we’re channeling and hoping to call into existence. Having a sense of finality in the area of positivity is not as detrimental as doing the always/never dance around things that hurt us or don’t serve us. And let’s face it, insulting or criticizing ourselves in the form of alwaysing or nevering is not just negative but toxic. It leads to more work in the self care, help, and healing arena. You bought into the negative always/nevers being thrown at you, try buying into the positive side, even if you have to fake it until you make it.

I say things every single day in the form of always that aren’t altogether true yet. But I believe them anyway. That, for the last ten years, has served me to call those things into existence OR made me much happier on my journey, rather than always making me bad and never being successful. Those lines of thinking only make life harder because negativity only breeds more of the same. It’s no different than anything else I talk about… it takes practice. The first step is not using those words at all. Replacing those words with other words altogether. No more always and never. At all. Ever. Then as things start to improve, because they will, then start adding always back in… but where it belongs. I always use the word always where it belongs. ๐Ÿ˜€

So, in conclusion, when you’re talking about yourself, get kind and get positive, because, yes, the universe is listening… but so are you.

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Get Out of Your Own Way

I work for a company that is unconventional. I think in some people’s minds that equals not legitimate… and that pisses me off really. I know that there were several schemes in the past. And I know that there are still some real scum bag people out there trying to put one over on you. But when someone decides that an opportunity is not legitimate because it asks you to invest in yourself, I get angry. Because here’s the thing… If you aren’t willing to investย in aย business that you are fortunate enough to own and run yourself then you’re basically saying that you don’t believe in yourself enough to go for it. I know this is controversial, I get it, but the truth is is that there is a whole bunch of naivete in thinking that someone will gift you a business for nothing. That would be awesome… I mean for sure. But very unrealistic. When you think about the way in which businesses are changing and what it actually costs to run a brick and mortar store front, the investment asked of us is small potatoes. The other way my ever positive mind works is, “what’s being out a bunch of money in comparison to what if it works?” Does that make sense? Safety is overrated. I’d rather take a huge gamble on myself and potentially make magic happen than live in a bubble of safe ‘what ifs.’ Any day of the week.

Hundreds of thousands of stores closed last year because of the way that shopping online is growing. And because online shopping continues to grow so does the need for online marketing as well as the need for technological education. Enter Network and Affiliate marketing. I know several, if not hundreds, of people personally who have had massive success running their businesses from home with these styles of businesses. And what’s not to love if it “actually works.” The ever quoted “laptop lifestyle,” work from home, spend more time with your family, improve your lifestyle, get out of debt… too good to be true, right? Ahhhhhh NO. It’s attitude. It’s mindset. It’s willingness. It’s understanding the way these businesses work and having patience. It’s understanding that some people do in fact get rich quick but that is not the promise going in. It’s understanding that even though it’s all of those awesome things listed above, it’s also equal parts hard work and positive attitude.

What I can promise is if you give something like this a try, you will find yourself in a way that no office job could ever offer. These businesses force you to get out of your comfort zone and grow in the same way going to therapy would. There’s enormous power in being surrounded by like minded people who are basically saying, “here, copy me on everything I’ve ever done, but find your niche, do it with your flare, and get successful too.” They’re selling you how they did it in a business in a box. They did all the hard work, found out what worked, and then wrapped it all up in an awesome little package that they ask you to invest in. It’s good business. It’s personal. You take the education piece and then fit it in around your business style and personality, you include the bits that are important to you, take what you need and leave the rest. But what is usually left, if you do the work, is a mighty nice income stream, inside an awesome business model, that you were gifted by investing in yourself. And molding that self into more than you ever imagined. I’m not joking… I’m doing Affiliate Marketing but in the course of doing so have found a platform for sharing on the things that I’m most passionate about. That is awwwwwsome, inexplicably powerful, life changing, relationship changing, and worth every single penny I’ve ever invested.

I love sharing about what it is I’m doing. This done-for-you, automated system is exactly everything I was hoping it would be and more. I’m able to attend all of my youngest’s appointments for his special needs, all of my children’s school and sports commitments, spend time with my husband and my friends, and most importantly do the things for me that equal my ability to do all of the above…. yoga, meditation, and more. Please feel free to look for me on Facebook, follow me here or on YouTube, check out my business link, or all of the above. The absolute best part of what I do is sharing it with others… telling people how they could change their lives too.

Check This Out

I might pop on here later today too, but HAD to do a post just for this Masterclass. Part of how I am able to share the way I do with the mindset that I have is because of finding a company and business that allows me the time and money freedom to do so.

So much on my mind today!!… All of it brilliant of course ๐Ÿ™‚ but mainly I would like to suggest something to you. Many people message me daily to ask what it is I’m doing now… and I’ll tell you what I tell them… tune into a webinar or a masterclass, because you cannot help but get excited about what is possible! It’s contagious and thrilling at the possibilities that start jumping around in your mind.

Since joining SAN many things have happened in mine and Jay’s little world and it’s ALL amazing! The financial piece has freed up the worry piece to then focus on the growing piece. I swear…. It’s showing me things I didn’t know I was looking for. So if you’re looking too then please check this out. I promise you’ll get value out of it at the VERY least…. but maybe… just maybe change your life too. Register and add this to your calendar for Friday.

๐Ÿ‘‡
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Work. Kids. Recovery. Oh My

You know… some days are just easier to balance than others, aren’t they? I swear, if you’re doing all you should be doing in rearing wonderful people, you hardly have time for anything else. If you’re doing all you should be doing to have a super successful team and business, you hardly have time for anything else. If you’re doing all you can to be physically, spiritually, and mentally fit, you hardly have time for anything else. Sooooo how on earth are we supposed to balance it all? Here’s a little mind f*ck for you…. We’re not.

Here’s what I mean… we don’t have enough hours in the day to do everything we would like to do. We just don’t. What we do have time for is scheduling, prioritizing, and doing the next right thing. Because we can’t predict the future, we do the best we can with the way things play out. That’s literally it. Easier said than done… I know I know, I agree.

Some weeks I’m extra itchy (my term for needing a meeting), some weeks my wee people are extra special (my term for them being a right pain in the ass), and some weeks the last thing I feel like doing is placing ads or sending emails. What I do in these situations is sometimes exactly the right thing to do in that given moment that you could write a god damn greeting card about it, annnnnd sometimes you’d question my level of competence at anything at all. What helps to keep me sane though is choosing. Good grief… easily my most frequently used word. Choice. But it covers a whole shit ton of areas, what can I say… But choosing what needs to go where on the calendar, which days, and for how long can make things so manageable that I did in fact question my level of intelligence prior to this concept. Because here’s what happens… the blank spots on the calendar where you get to fill it in leave a whole crap ton of opportunity for balance. If nothing is on the calendar I get to choose what is being left out of the balancing act… Will I read, sleep, eat, watch a movie with the kids, catch up on the ever exploding closets, hit a yoga class, go for a walk, check out a meeting, go on a date with hubs, or sit down with a good friend? Because, see, when you put your life in perspective of a list surrounding appointments, school commitments, meeting commitments, and more the things you get to choose to fill in the blanks can look a lot like a really nice life. Ya dig?

We put so much emphasis on the dread, things like getting to class, writing that paper, reading that chapter, going to that meeting, getting that blood draw, hitting that deadline, running those advertisements, homework, and meal prep that we forget, in comparison, life looks goooood. If your good for you list isn’t longer than your dread list than we really must regroup, reprioritize, and rebalance because that’s a problem. It’s clear evidence that we took our given choices and chose all crazy and out of order.

Some things to look at… are you trying to please too many people? Are you trying to squeeze too many things in a given day? Are you doing enough things for yourself? Are the things you’re doing for others and in a given day for the right reasons? Are you overall healthy? Are you happy? Are you stressed? A balanced life comes from looking at those questions and filling in the scheduled times as well as the blank times with the proper amount of emphasis. Sounds nice, right? It’s like anything, it takes practice. If I have a whole crap ton of work to do one week then I simply don’t go on a coffee date or get up earlier for my walk, or pay a babysitter. If after a crazy week of work I need to get the balance back then the following week I might hit an extra yoga class or have an extra coffee with another friend. See, it’s scheduling but choosing too. Knowing yourself and following through. Doing for others because that’s important too, but making sure that you, yourself are high up on the priority list. Really high.

Balance is such a sweet and healthy word. I can tell you that I have balance in my life today, completely, but it’s messy, never looks the same two days in a row, and is sometimes very heavily weighted on the selfish end. BUT because it’s not a perfect science, totally takes practice, and is going to look different for all of us, I’m ok with my balancing act work in progress status. It feels good to be working at it. It feels good that it’s producing pretty amazing small people, a mighty successful business, and a hefty amount of ever growing spirituality. So do what works for you, include yourself in all of your decision making processes, and keep rocking back and forth until you find your steady ground. It’s there.

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Be Authentically You

I wish I could clearly explain what it means to your vision of wholeness when you connect with someone who helps you find the very best version of yourself. I’m so blessed to have that in my husband, but also in finding a goddesspreneur who has helped me to express myself and live my truth authentically. For far too long I lived with masks because I let my interpretation of what society expected guide me. It was realized this week that I’ve finally come into my own. My home. My spirit. My truth. I’ve been living it for quite some time but to actually realize it and remembering witnessing its birth…. well, it’s more than monumental. It’s changed me. Yes, the change, but realizing you’re in it, that you did that (with enormous help), and that what once felt impossible is now in living color…. well, Whoa!! Just whoa.

After my perfectly poignant tarot reading the other day, I was gifted the following tarot experience in a private message. I’m sharing it here in its fullness because I think it’s so important for all of us to realize. I am finally at a place on my spiritual and emotional journey that this is how I live currently. BUT it wasn’t always the case (and still need reminding). I once felt lost and hopeless. I was broken and had all but given up. My message is clear in this matter and in relation to my last post (another words a very important message that can’t be mentioned often enough) is to don’t ever give up. Whatever image you hold in your mind for your life, your well being, your future, you can hold in your hand, your heart, your life. I promise. Just by not giving up.

TAROT ย DREAM COME TRUE- Your dreams are coming true because you stayed true to your hearts desire.

Time for you to relax and take in all of the amazing events that have happened to you over the last year or so. Look back and contemplate how fast things shifted for you when you made the decision to be true to yourself and to listen to the call of your soul (WOW). Your dreams are of your soul. Your dreams are unfolding faster than ever before. Congratulations for staying true to yourself, for believing in your dreams, and for overcoming all obstacles that were in your path. This card comes to you today to remind you to keep moving forward toward the life of your dreams. It has not been an easy journey, but you are finally beginning to see how everything is connected and how all of the adversity that you faced was a part of you facing your fears and learning new ways to handle your challenges. You have made sacrifices, you have taken risks, you have faced and overcome many trying times, and you never gave up. Do not forget to take note of all that you have been through to get to this moment in time. You are learning that intention and faith combined can move mountains (WOW). When you come up against a period of slow movement, it is important for you to remember all that you have accomplished. Your dreams are unfolding because you believed in the impossible. Remember how you got here and use this information to remember all that you have accomplished. Your dreams are unfolding because you believed in the impossible. Remember how you got here and use this information to create even more beautiful possibilities for yourself.

Words they couldn’t emphasize enough…. remember, believed, accomplished, dreams, overcome, forward, possibilities.

Sigh….mmmmm… please believe this for yourself. If you aren’t where you want to be, you can be. You can be.

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Arrive

Today I want to talk about mindset. And I’ll tell you why… I’m struggling right now with mine. Not officially, as I always know what to do, emotionally, I’m just not always equipped to do what to do. :p Enter pesky depression that I have talked so much about. I’m steering clear of full throttle depression for the last several months but it teases me a little bit every once in a while.

So, for the most part, I’m the annoying girl that is always insisting that something isn’t so bad, here’s the silver lining, what can you learn from that, stay positive because that breeds more positive. You know, the girl that you don’t want to talk to if you’re looking to celebrate your pity party. Right? I mean I’m really a broken record about it all. It is what I believe at the core of me. (Here’s the dreaded) BUT sometimes, sometimes my day to day real life reality, self doubt, and fear take over and allow me to flail a little bit. I suppose there’s a piece of that that helps me to grow, gives me an opportunity to break a cycle, not repeat a pattern, and practice what I preach, BUT sometimes it’s harder than I would like it to be.

So, for example, we weren’t approved for a new car loan. Now, my positive mindset would say, how incredible is it that you would have even thought that you had come so far, that your credit was improved so much that you could get a car, that the last few years you had your shit so much together that you thought you could get a new car?? That’s amazing!! But instead I was a hot mess of feeling embarrassed, like a failure, extreme disappointment, and just overall pooooor me. Ugh, right? I mean, my current vehicle doesn’t have air conditioning and it is miserable. How can I be expected to keep driving such nonsense? What a brat! I mean, it’s a car, it gets me where I need to go. Everyone should be so lucky. See what I’m talking about here? Grateful but moody. I’m a mess.

Another example is that I’m not where I want to be with my business. I can often let fear stop me from getting there. I can go as dark as thinking that if I’m not where I want to be then I probably don’t have what it takes to get there. That’s bullshit. I know this and yet fear strangles me all the same. Enter feelings of envy, inadequacy, and wanting to quit. Again… thee bullshit! That’s just me talking myself into taking the easy way, the old pattern way, the hey if I don’t try then I can’t fail way. Gross. Get to work, woman.

Here’s what I’m trying to say…. Don’t stop believing in yourself. Don’t ever stop. That’s one of the only things I can confidently say about my journey. I never, ever quit all the way or forever. I’ve tried. I’ve come close but at the end of the day, the one thing I can say in terms of being a success is that I never, ever stop getting up. That is enough some days. You know those days? When it’s enough that your kids had three meals and you didn’t burn one of them ย (the meals, not the kids)? :p Yep, some days that’s all I’ve got. But on a very good day, I educate myself on myself, I work hard on my business, I enjoy my children instead of wanting to strangle them, ๐Ÿ˜‰ I practice self care, I try to give back, and I eeek my way back to my positive line of living. It isn’t easy. Shit, life is full of a crap ton of responsibilities, some drama if you fall victim, hardships, and hurt. It’s important to process all of it, and we all may have different ways of doing that, but if, in the end, you come full circle back to you then you’ve done it right. Whatever that looks like for you specifically then you’ve done it right. My fear of failure and hardwork combined lol keeps me working hard but I do. I must.

When I first began recovery I absolutely hated some of the continuous sayings being flung at me. I hear them so differently now that I have a little bit of wellness under my belt. “This too shall pass.” WHAT?? Did you not hear me? I’ve got a major, real life problem right here, right now! I don’t need you sweeping it under the rug with some air quotes. Maaan! Now when I hear this very saying, this too shall pass, it gives me encouragement. It’s a relief. Nothing is forever. Whatever is disastrous, trying, or miserable will not ever remain in it’s current state forever. That’s amazing and a huge relief. Right?! Things being in constant motion allows us endless opportunities to practice how best to respond, react, and deal with what is presented to us. What a relief of a perspective. I’m never doomed. I never just have the worst luck. I’m not always stuck. I get to pave my path AND how I’m going to perceive it. Sometimes I do those things beautifully, sometimes hideously…. the point is that I’m doing it. I’m sometimes sailing over to the other side and sometimes clawing my way, but I will always arrive. Arrive. Any way you can. It’s going to be ok.

Don’t Miss This

Just a quick pop in today to tell you why you should check out this webinar tomorrow night-
https://ek258.isrefer.com/go/anatomy686/a9914/emphasis

I’ve never witnessed such no nonsense, straightforward, business hack, and autopilot style training in my life. This business has allowed me to bring in $4000 while spending the entire summer frolicking with my children. The importance of that is immeasurable… priceless.

I do three or four things a week for my business to run itself so I can spend my time with my friends, my family, and doing self care. How many businesses do you know that allow that to be true? Now, once the kids are in school I’ll put a lot more effort in because I’ll have the time (though it will still be from home and on my terms) and that should maximize my results enormously! Translation… MO money! ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜Š

In conclusion…. Today choose you. Choose your family, your time, your future. There is absolutely no commitment. Just watch! And try not to get as excited as I (and so many others) did. ๐Ÿ˜Š

See you there.

https://ek258.isrefer.com/go/anatomy686/a9914/emphasis