All that Glitters is not Gold…. Or Maybe it is

I’m going to get back to the ancestral lineage lingo soon, but had to pop on here today to talk about perspective. It just keeps coming up for me this week. I mean, if we’re honest, we’re offered opportunity to shift our perspective constantly. We just might need a gentle reminder, right? Totally.

I think that depending on several things, the way we were conditioned, how we tend to roll, maybe it’s a character defect, maybe we’re happier in the negative, maybe it just doesn’t ever cross our mind, we forget to look at something from a different angle to have a different feeling about it. It’s really quite powerful. It made me think today about how stuck on a given situation I can get just by rolling with the definition I, myself, gave it. Bummer, right? I mean, I so often look at the pros and cons of other people’s situations, yet can get really stuck in my wallowing on my own. What a drag. I vow to become more aware of this.

So yesterday I told my middle two kiddos that they could make some slime. I somehow, someway was convinced that given this specific YouTube video they had seen, that glitter was an absolute must. Sigh. So we made the slime and it was a huge success, texture wise (I don’t know if you have kids that like making slime but it is not an exact science and many attempts are usually required), but it has glitter in it. That should really be enough said, but just in case you’re not aware, just by owning a bottle of glitter, just by it being in your house, you will start to find specs of it everywhere. Never-freaking-mind applying it somewhere, having had the bottle open. So, yes it’s in the slime, and it’s really sort of cool BUT it’s also EVERYWHERE!!! Floor, couches, coffee tables, my shoulder, my cheek, on the books, and in the bathroom. You catch my drift, right? It’s like herpes, it spreads everywhere.

So, I voiced my frustration on Facebook, and was presented with the idea that instead of looking at it like the most giant nuisance on the planet, and something you would only wish on your worst enemy, to rather look at it like it’s decorating your life, reminding you to sparkle and of your childhood craft projects. WHAT? Brilliant! It, literally, immediately made me smile and look at the whole thing differently. I am all about a little sparkle.

Let’s look at where else this can apply… ummm ery where!! Grocery store line. Is the line moving slow or are you supposed to have time to respond to that text message to your son? Hunh? Is is rush hour or do you have a few extra minutes to finish that conversation with your husband while you inch along? Ya dig?

I’ve had an enormous opportunity to apply perspective lately with my work. Am I failing at it or do I simply not have any interest in that field at all? That’s a blog post all on it’s own… but my point is that we can get stuck. Literally stuck on a line of thinking that can really affect us negatively when, almost always, there’s going to be another way to look at it. The best possible way to look at it is from a place of you. How do you need to look at this to make it okay? And if it makes it okay for you, is it right? So another words are you making excuses, justifications, staying stuck in old patterns? Or if you’re okay with it is it because you’ve really looked at it and without pause it’s just not your jam?

I know for me that I must look at my part in it and decide if I’m running from something. I must talk it over with the hubs and, with complete humility, come to an answer. And then look at it from an angle of providing for and happiness…. for me the two must go hand in hand. And then own it… no matter what it looks like, owning that shit. As long as what I’m seeking comes from a place of authenticity and pursuit and not giving up then owning it is easy.

Look at things today through a lens that works for you… your lens, analyze it briefly to be sure that it’s a healthy lens, and then go with it proudly. Perspective is a choice, one that can hinder or help you, but always look at things through more than one lens…. perspective. It makes things better. It just does.

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What Might Become My Life’s Work

It’s time to finally start talking about the tough topics… yeah… I address many, and to be honest, some of the toughest topics to discuss aren’t tough for me at all. I think it’s necessary for living authentically. I don’t have the patience for anything else anymore. My truth is my truth. It’s some ugly and some beautiful and the balance is awesome. It was when I started getting honest that my life started to look how I imagined it might. Things began to open up, and everything started to make sense.

There’s an area that I don’t address much and that area is family. Dun dun dun…. It’s a tough one. If I’m being authentic then I would talk about how my family dynamic growing up affected my… well… everything, and yet it’s tough because my intention would not at all be to hurt them. I struggle with it enormously. Especially since what I think I want to focus on in my work is clearing and healing ancestral lineage (or breaking the cycle of family dysfunction). I am so beyond passionate about shit starting over with me. Boom! Taking what I’ve known having been passed down from generations to attribute to my crazy and change it as to STOP the cycle with my children… and me (reconditioned). If I accomplish nothing else but that in my lifetime then I will feel it a success. If my legacy is that I helped to change the unhealthy and emotionally damaging dynamics that I was raised with as to offer my children a chance for a healthier and a more spiritually filled existence then YAY me! For real.

I know… I know… there’s always something. I’m for reeeeal for real not perfect, so if not what I was raised with then certainly something will offer them an opportunity to do the same thing one day… have a need for reconditioning. Who knows. But I am learning so many things in which to raise my babies with (and without) some of the things that I found damaging. I have to believe that it’s beneficial. Screw that, I know that it is.

When I look at where I came from it’s easy not to blame because, although I hate this sentence, my parents did the best they could with what they knew, I know that and I believe that. They had to come from somewhere too and where they came from was very much the same. Just repeating patterns for living that were taught to them. We are a part of an intense generation. The research, the medicine, the law, the self discovery, the diversity of everything… including spirituality… we are just becoming a more unique, individual, taking the road less traveled by society. If something is broke, we fix it, rather than just do what our parents did. It is by far the most major difference of today in speaking of this type of thing. My father was raised in a gruff and unemotional household so it never occurred to him to pursue another way to be. It wasn’t what was done then. It was almost expected, I think. Ancestors pass down recipes, traditions, and emotional sickness and it was just expected that we follow suit.

I think my particular generation had several uncommunicative parents. Meaning there was a LOT of under rug sweeping. Let’s just keep quiet about this as to avoid it altogether. Never happened. From a very, very young age I was horrible about handling emotionally driven times, even the death of grandparents, because I didn’t know how. I had no idea how. In 8th grade I’d already had a couple of break ups, because I looked to boyfriends to make me feel worthy, and had been bullied off and on since 5th grade. How I handled this was not to talk about it, no no, but to hibernate in my room, that was in the basement no less, and write poetry about killing myself. In 8th grade. It was very dark and lonesome times.

I think I’m going to be able to do a couple of articles on this topic. Maybe several. So for today let’s leave off with some healing thoughts. We aren’t our ancestors, we aren’t our past, we aren’t ruined. If your history has a little pain and dysfunction sprinkled all about it, try not to worry. Recognizing it is huge in and of itself. What you do about it, well that’s the most important thing, but recognizing it is first and necessary. And then accepting that it’s unacceptable is next. Healing begins with the realization that we have the power to break the cycle and be authentically ourselves. It comes down to that word I use so often…. choice. We have to choose that we want to do things differently. Choose what we want our lives to look like. Choose to make new traditions and choose what might be deemed as the less popular path because that is what speaks to us. In the end, what it really comes down to is being present, really here in the present moment as to be your most authentic self, but finding your path for healing your lineage and your subconscious mind. We’ll talk more about all of this next time. Much love.

 

Beyond Reiki

The power of finding your calling. I mean, it’s a real thing. My passions are many, and man do they run the gamete… How does one decide what they’re supposed to spend their entire life doing when that’s the case? In all honesty I’m really struggling with this. It’s a luxury problem for sure, but pinpointing what you want to pursue as to help the masses but also make good business decisions… It’s confusing. I’m confused.

I received my first Reiki (energy healing) treatment about 15 years ago and was immediately moved. I think partying and insecurity surely got in my way of pursuing it back then, but it definitely impacted me. I’ve thought about it since but again, the timing must not have been right to look into it further. Which leads me to about 3 weeks ago…. I had an energy session done that I’m still thinking about. I was sure, then and there, that energy work is absolutely something that I’m supposed to be doing. And it was like a weight off in a sense. A massive “Ah Ha” moment! This is what speaks to me. This is my destiny. I am in constant aww as to what our bodies are capable of and have witnessed first hand the power in the hand… our body’s energy. I sigh at this. It moves me.

Heeeere’s where I get caught up though… Grrrrr…. I sometimes will not relinquish control and just give it over to the skies to decide… and start thinking too damn much. I go right into, “what about affiliate marketing? I like that. It’s definitely helping me pay the bills. It’s easy. Okay, yes, I’ll keep doing that. Totally.” Then I start spinning about how much I desire giving a voice to depression, eating disorders, alcoholism, raising a child with special needs, and branding myself as a writer and author online. I so much want to help people in those areas, somehow… someway. BUT I get very overwhelmed very fast about what that entails, because, if I’m being honest, there is a LOT of things I have yet to learn to get that up and running. THEREin lies my fear. Is not knowing what I need to know my excuse for not moving forward? And is it because of fear of failure or success, OR am I really just that lazy and expectant to have things just fall in my lap? Seeeeriously….

Ugh… welcome to my brain. I want to be fulfilled but don’t really want to work to be so. Noooo, that’s not it. Time… it’s time. I don’t have enough time to sit and learn and watch and read and study. Nooo, that’s not it. Mindset… it’s my damn mindset. I doubt myself too much, am sure that I will make past mistakes, and don’t trust that people want to hear what I have to say. Hmmmm…. that could be it a little bit. Crap. Fear… surely it’s fear. Success or failure will bring with it change and other unknown emotions that are, well, unknown. So, yeah, fear is underlying there I imagine, almost for sure.

So let’s talk about these things and how they can screw up any chance of success and service to others you dream about. Pleasant thought, right. Well….. I swear, in all of my reading and research the thing that keeps coming up, of late, is past conditioning. What a crap hand to be dealt. I mean, I am so conditioned that shit hits the fan or I quit or I fail or that change will hurt others that I have been stuck in a spiral of not succeeding for all my life. Can you believe that? Yes, I know, I’m an adult, I am responsible for myself and actions of today. Totally agree. Doesn’t change the fact that knowing why and what isn’t completely necessary to move forward. So much of our self sabotaging comes from a subconscious place and we can’t acknowledge until we understand it. So that is one of my main focuses today. How did I get here and how, on a conscious level, do I address it? It’s helping, working.

Being a positive person is brilliant. I can find the positive side to almost any situation at all times. It’s a thing, a gift maybe, but we’re talking surface. It is easy for me to be positive on the surface. What I see and feel I generally understand and can get positive around all the time and eventually. It’s the silent, underneath chatter that is keeping me stagnant. So even though I might be saying one thing, in all it’s upbeat and positive glory, at the exact same time, underneath and subconsciously I’m saying, “nope, not me, I can’t, I never have, now isn’t any different, I will always……” Imagine. But that’s a real thing for me. It’s not intentional, in fact, it sucks balls, but my subconscious is strong and not going down without a fight. I do fight it and believe that my conscious fight will win for sure, but it takes consistency. My mindset is strong and very determined, knows what it wants and knows ways to change it. It’s only a matter of time before I kick old conditionings ass completely into oblivion. It’s getting weaker so anytime now really.

Fear is a straight pain in the ass thing. It presents itself in all sorts of different ways and is very sneaky at that. If I can continue to turn my fear of hard work, failure or success, and what is yet to come into love… love of life, prosperity, and myself well then the world just completely opens up. I’m tired. I’m tired of the way things “used to be.” My passions are too great to be stifled. I believe that my path will be laid out before me, I just need to stay the course, stay positive, fill full up with love, and keep doing the work. I have so much to give and only want to do just that.

What are some ways you propel yourself out of stagnation? Today I’m staying consistent. I’m filling my mind with mind reading and positive affirmations. If there’s one thing I preach it’s consistency and fake it till you make it. I will affirmation myself into believing through. It’s a real thing.

If there’s one thing I know for sure and witness all of the time it’s that if your mindset is working for you and not against you, you can truly move mountains. Believe.

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What No One Sees

Can we get honest here for a minute… (you know… sort of my MO) about parenting and running a household… and in recovery… Damn… I’m no martyr but shit is hard and I’m whooping it’s ass! Well, mostly and sorta kinda. Some days are darker than others but the sun always comes out eventually. If I’m going to preach honesty, though, allow me to say that parenting and doing life sober is tough as shit!

So let’s talk about the stuff that no one ever sees. The dishes, the dust bunnies, the random toys, crafts, school art projects, clothes, coats, shoes, bags, mail, groceries… ALL of the shit has to find a home inside our homes, right? That in and of itself is a conquest. Oh yes it is. Apparently I also believe in aiming low at some things as to have plenty of celebrations in my life. ๐Ÿ˜€ You’ll find I have a lot of those areas. Aim for mediocrity as to create less work. Ugh… but a little true. So, yeah, where’s my medal for finding a home for little tiny clothes pins that my daughter thought she just had to have to do a project. Or what about the ONE MILLION Legos that my boy children think are never enough. The struggle is real, ya’ll. Why do you think that there are thousands of organizational receptacles and professions geared towards such? Because that shit’s hard.

Do not get me started about cooking. Again, aim low, friends. Saves you an enormous amount of time. I joke, but last night when I made rice noodles, popcorn chicken, and strawberries, presented it to my child on a paper plate and he said, “whoa… it’s like a five star restaurant” you feel good inside. ๐Ÿ˜€ I think cooking takes up an enormous amount of time, because not only do you need to prep, cook, plate, and clean up, but then you need to beg and barter with some of your children for upwards of a half hour to even put a piece of said meal in their face hole. Where’s my medal for not shoving it down their face hole at least 3 times a week? I like to cook. The way I’ve parented around food and the way my kids eat has made me hate to cook. Meal time…. that shit’s hard.

Wanna dish about laundry for a hot minute?? I somehow, someway, one day found my groove thang but for years upon years the laundry made it to the washer and the dryer and that was it. I spent years picking out clean clothes for the kids to wear from a mixed up basket of everyone’s things, swearing the entire time about what bull shit laundry was, throwing it in the dryer to get the wrinkles out and handing it over to them to get ready for school. Yep, years. She who keeps such a tidy house… well, don’t ever open the laundry room closet… it was a hurricane…. the opposite of tidy. Now I try to dry, fold and the kids put away. It’s an every other day thing and I completely hate it because there is nothing not time consuming about it, but I find the time and make it snappy. Now there’s still a gigantic basket of socks on top of the dryer that they fend for themselves for daily because ain’t noooo body got time for that crap.

Homework and work work…. C’mon, who’s with me on this?? I work from home which is a complete luxury, I do not ever take this for granted, but working around the door bell, the pop ins, the littlest one needing to eat, play, have a therapy sesh or bathe, and phone calls… gooood grief, it can feel like I’ve worked a 15 hour day some days because I’m squeezing in actual work that I get paid for in between the work that I don’t. And then… AND THEN the big kids get home from school with more work that they need my help working on! Jeeeesus! Where’s my gold frickin medal damnit?!! That shit’s hard.

Ah… raising a baby with special needs. Let’s chitty chit chat about that. First I must mention the near or total PTSD that comes with the intense fear of having a baby that is struggling to stay with you in the beginning. I can’t pretend to explain that fully. It’s beyond terrifying and horrible. The tests that they put the teeniest tiniest little being through, the waiting for the results from those tests, those tests not resulting in a diagnosis, the waiting for a diagnosis. Oh my lands…. it’s all impossible to bear. Then comes the diagnosis…. but not before an insane amount of medical intervention just so your child can live on… The processing of the diagnosis… hearing it for the first time, the research, the tears, the emotion. Oy vey! Just that. No words. After the diagnosis you hear things like, “utilize your resources.” Do you know what that has meant for us? Geneticists, surgeons, multiple pediatricians, dietitians, endocrinologists, physical therapists, speech therapists, orthopedists, specialists, xray techs, annnd injections…. daily…. since he was 4 months old. Whew!!! And that’s all so that he can live a “typical” life. Worth it? Totally… balls out totally worth it. He’s amazing and has made me a better person. He’s hilarious and generous with his love. He’s a little piece of heaven here on earth and I’m blessed to be his momma, through and through. Doesn’t change the fact that he is completely high maintenance and time consuming. That’s what we’re talking about here. Fitting all of life into life. A huge part of my day is being a good momma to this needy little love. That shit’s hard.

Staying emotionally fit, spiritually fit, and sober (I disclude physically fit because I’ve yet to wrangle that one). Now there’s some monsters right there! My answer for everything used to be to throw a bottle of wine at it. No joke. Let me just get through this here day and top it off with a couple of bottles (or box… not picky) of vino. That worked for a while but it’s very, very difficult to grow into yourself emotionally or spiritually when you’re numbing yourself with the sauce. And those other things became important to me. Okay okay so it wasn’t as profound as all that… I had to hit a rock solid bottom that had a couple of trap doors, and I had to hit it hard. Really really face plant. But what came from that was a seeking for spiritual and emotional growth that has changed my life. But that, my friends, that shit is hard. Freaking, freaking hard. Living life on life’s terms and not my bottle’s? Not even in the realm of easy. Meetings, therapy, energy work, reading, studying, praying, writing, talking and doing. That in and of itself could fill up a day. Sober is hard if your body and mind have a different plan. Fighting that shit is tough, but possible and beautiful. Freaking amazing really.

So this is getting long for me so let’s wrap it up… what have we discovered here?? That choose a topic, choose a life task and break it down. Just doing that one thing well could straight fill up a whole day, right? I’ve talked about this before in reference to balance but I just want to be really clear here. Doing life on it’s terms, with any sort of grace is a full throttle lot to ask. And we do it. We do it. Some days we knock that shit out of the damn park and some days we’re lucky that the house is still standing, but I guess that’s my point. We need to be gentle with ourselves. There is nothing about life in general that is easy and doing it even a titch well is big, often really big and really heavy. But we’re doing it. We’re learning about ourselves, trying extra hard to see that our children won’t need therapy later in life (or rather working really hard to help pay for their therapy later in life), and deciding at the end of each day how we might be a wee bit better tomorrow. It’s really all it’s really about…. not being better than anyone else, but better than the person we were the day before. That’s it. If you’re anything like me, it really helps to dumb that shit down that way. If I’m not trying to complete never ending lists, or achieve things that aren’t ready for me yet, or or or, but rather just aim to be a little better than I was yesterday it all seems a little more doable and a little less daunting. And in this here little world we live in that is full up of bull shit hard living… that is enough. You are enough. Say that today and everyday until you believe it. The rest will fall into place.

Total Eclipse of the Energy

I think it only fair that we talk about the eclipse that’s happening today… Everyone is all cray cray. As they should be… It’s a big deal, right? I mean, something that only happens once in a lifetime (for the most part) is a pretty big (gigantic) deal.

There is the visual perspective for sure. It’s going to change the light of day and confuse the birds and the bees. That’s amazing

There’s the science of it all. Which I won’t pretend to know too much about, just that it’s incredible the way all of the planets move, revolve, and coordinate with each other to allow us something to study and problem solve and then be amazed by. My kids have thoroughly enjoyed learning about this day since school began.

But let’s talk about the part that I’m so enthralled by. How all of this affects our body, our energy, our emotions, and how that affects our life. Eclipses as a whole solidify an energy in the air for an extended period of time after the fact. The eclipse occurs at a “hotspot” of Leo energy where the star Regulus resides. I’m telling you this because Regulus is a warrior star that has a headstrong and righteous energy to it. Because this inspired energy can guide you, it’s important to help the energy rather be guided by you. Really understand this. Be intentional.

The warrior energy will solidify an inspiration in everyone. The conviction, headstrong energy and electric thinking can power people for all their greatness but could also be interpreted to lead to chaos as well. Hence the importance for awareness. The eclipse will instill fire and electricity in people, warrior energy that will inspire good/bad, clear minded and confused. Be intentional.

For example, in all of my energy work this month “burn” and “fire” have come up a lot. A LOT. Burning away past selves or a fire being lit inside of me to pursue my passions, for examples. So to utilize the eclipse with intention I am going to ritualize burning a piece of paper with all of the things that I am ridding myself of written on that paper. I’m going to do that before 2pm today as an offering to the eclipse to set those things in motion of leaving me for good. I trust that the energy held in place from the eclipse for months to come will be that of blossoming in the positive, having rid the negative.

I realize that not everyone buys into this line of thinking. I can respect that. But I would ask what the harm would be in lassoing some of your energy up to give over to a “what if?” I mean, it’s just a thought of goodness or positivity to test the waters so to say. Channel the eclipse with intention and maybe, just maybe you see a shift in your life. Certainly can’t hurt to try. At this time in this country it sure couldn’t hurt to have a whole lot of people sending an energy filled message up to the stars to have the eclipse energize and send back to us in the form of righteous healing. Just think about it. That’s all I’m asking.

I hope your day is wonderful. For this time in our life is precious, important, monumental. Something like an eclipse that only happens once every 99 years makes this day a whole lot of very special. Take that in and harness it. Be present, be amazed, be amazing.

Let Go without Letting Go

So holy crapola face… Yeah… that’s how I talk sometimes… :p I need to fill you in on something that is happening to me since my 11 year old started middle school.

I have been spending the entire length of my time as a momma doing my absolute best to raise good people, while simultaneously shielding them from the world without helicopter parenting. Impossible, right? Yeah… I know. Well, turns out there is very good reason for this.

I was bullied terribly in middle school. So bad that I carried it allllll the way into adulthood. Gahhhd… if I could have told those girls then how damaging their treatment would be, I have to believe that they would have at least thought twice, but it ruined any chance of self esteem, self worth or security that I ever had a chance of having. And because of the generation maybe, I didn’t talk about it, I suffered (like really suffered) in silence and what little my parents did know, they had no idea how to help me. It was the most miserable time in my life and that is saying something. I think I’m able to say it was the most miserable now simply because of how it resonated all over the damn space of my life. It’s also why I am who I am today so it can come full circle, but fuckin A… it sucked hard.

I was afraid every single day. Every day. I never knew what to expect, I couldn’t eat, I dreamed about moving and starting over, I never, ever knew who to trust, I had a constant stomach ache, I had anxiety that I titled my “breathing thing” that made me think I was dying so the anxiety just got worse, I took out my emotions on my siblings and parents, wrote poetry about suicide and plotted how I would do it, then had an anxiety attack because I was too much of a coward to follow through. Oh. My. God. I would not ever go back to that time in my life if you paid me One Billion dollars. No joke. Not even a hint of a funny. No way, no how. Traumatized for life.

Now I’m raising small people and they have to go to middle school. Fuck. They just do. I took Char to orientation a couple of weeks ago and was flooded… I mean flooded with emotions. I was not prepared for how my innate self took over. I went immediately back in time and was a hot mess…. (he would have never known it, it was all about him and I made sure he knew it, but inside I was faaahreeeeaking out). Not a clue that that’s how I would respond. Just wild. Caught me completely off guard.

Well, just over a week ago I sent him off to his first day of the dreaded middle school and I am losing it. I have been so hard on him. If he could just make sure he does this, this, that, and that correctly, maybe, just maybe he won’t get bullied. It has been toxic and I think (fingers crossed) has come full circle. I still have some work to do, clearly, it’s largely why I’m writing this, but I had an honest conversation with him the other day. I had to apologize to him and explain. I have some letting go to do… his path is his path, not mine. I can take what I’ve learned and help to guide him but he has to pave his way. And he will. I cannot control his outcome (much as I’d like to)…

I think the hardest part is that I see so much of me in him… he’s sure of himself but insecure, smart, handsome, and polite and even in the face of over all mostly goodness, I still got bullied… no one is immune and it scares me to death. I think life is just so very complicated enough. I think that there is enough in the world to go through to try to find yourself, your meaning, your way, that being afraid and bullied in addition to that is just cruel, and my heart hurts at the prospect of it. It just does.

I really am trying not to project on to a situation that doesn’t even exist, I’m trying to let the healing path that I’ve traveled for the last several years come to the surface to help me get through this weird visceral reaction, and to of course be there in a healthy way for my wee ones on their very own journeys.

It’s a learning experience for certain. One I wasn’t planning on. We went from being sore at each other to coming to some sort of bond out of this whole emotional mess of a couple of weeks. He got to know me a little bit better and I got to hold him tighter while at the same time releasing him just a touch.

I said I would never try to live through my kids, I’ve been a kid, been there done that, what they do in their childhood is theirs. I will be there to support them through it all with as much love, drive, pushing, punishing, and guidance that they need. But I also have to change the fact that I thought I knew anything about anything because if this caught me off guard just imagine what is yet to come. Oy vey! I could fear it and dread it and try to shelter them from having any experiences like my own, but I’m not going to.

The moral of the story, truly, is to just let go. Let go of the past. Let go of controlling outcomes. Let go of needing to do it just right. Let go of knowing what you think you know. Be present, be aware, be available and love. Just love em up entirely because that conquers a whole, whole lot of shit in the face of life and all her shit.

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Healing. Yeah, Healing

I have to talk about this, but bear with me because it just happened on Friday so I’m still processing and reeling some, if I’m being honest…. I’m not sure I can make sense of it in words… but I’m going to try.

First let’s talk about all of the things that we can do to aid and assist in our well being. I talk a LOT about recovery, mental, and emotional health, right? Well, what works for some might be different than what works for others. What is really cool is that as we evolve we might find that to be true even inside our own journey. So for example, therapy worked for me for years. I mean years. It kept me hungry to continue to seek inside my “why I am the way I am.” And there was a lot of growth in that. Though I’m not nearly done with that I’m finding my help in other ways today. Finding myself through energy healing, tarot, and spiritual guidance is nearly knocking my socks off. Yep… my outer princess has found her inner hippie and it’s awwwwsome! Though really, she’s always been there. It is amazing and even that word seems menial. I cannot believe the things I’m learning, how it’s leading to an enormous amount of healing and taking ownership, and how the amount of self awareness, care, and love are exploding. Oh my gosh… I just have no clue how to express that.

I still find crazy importance in keeping my foot inside meetings, surrounding myself with soulful people, the outdoors, yoga, meditation, rest, and reading books for the mind, but there can be absolutely no discounting in what our bodies are built for and designed to do. The energy that our bodies possess is beyond fathomable. I’ve always believed in the law of attraction but what I’m learning about how my own body’s energy can work for itself is mind blowing. I always liked the idea, thought it was cool, but just looked on at it as it would never work for me…. not for my level of crazy. But once I went all in on the belief factor, realized my crazy was not unique, and practiced it with a “there’s no way in can hurt to try” mentality I was astounded by the results, and kind of pissed actually that I didn’t go all in sooner.

What’s so important about not getting stagnant or afraid to try less conventional things is that there is always more to discover. I learned something on Friday that goes hand in hand with something I’ve been working on, is actually a piece of it that I never considered, that literally blew my mind as well as made my path much more clear. Wow! Right?! Different people, different ideas, different methods…. don’t rule anything out. Now, I could also say that you shouldn’t overwhelm yourself. There is such a thing as too much. If what I was doing right now wasn’t along the same plane I might pull back in one area as to make sure I’m getting all the value I can, but in the same breath, I’ll say, don’t limit yourself. What is speaking to me has to do with the sun and the stars, mother nature, self energy, and more. What may speak to you could be meds, bicycling, and going to bed early…. right? So it’s all going to be a myriad of combinations for each of us because we’re all individuals with different stories. What makes us the same is that we should find our combo. It’s important to have one. There isn’t a one of us that shouldn’t be helping ourselves be the very best version of ourselves. Once we’re inside of that journey the outside journey sort of just presents itself.

Can I just tell you that in doing this kind of inside work, making new choices, and really honing in on what has made me feel broken all of these years is making it crystal clear what my life’s work is meant to be. I mean WOW right?!! I’ve always agreed with that being said and suggested to me, but even though the path I have been paving was in fact helping me, it was in being open to less conventional things that truly spoke (dare I say screamed) to me. It fit, it resonated, it glowed, and burned…… inside of me. I cannot express how that makes the recovery evolve… when you find your jam. Fo realz! F*ck… I feel like I’m holding back some how!! It’s so hard to explain. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ ๐Ÿ˜‰ Gahhh…. I’m in awe of where my life is going. All just for being open, honest, and willing.

I will hope, pray, and channel, always, for you to find this feeling. Don’t ever stop looking for it.

Find me on Facebook and Youtube. And join me in business…. it’s in choosing this line of work that led me to where I’m going. Crazy but true.

 

Ebb (grrrr) and Flow

Today I was talking with a friend and feeling very frustrated. I originally started with blaming outside things… but no no, worry not… it was and is always me. My frustration stemmed first from my character defects presenting themselves strongly on this particular occasion, which led to then being frustrated that I was unable to keep my defects from surfacing. What a debacle, right?

So let’s talk. Two things come to mind. We are never, not ever, done working to improve ourselves. And two, whenever our panties are in a neat little knot there is a very good chance we are to blame. Damnit! Right? I hear you!

When you’re undoing things from your past, or are in recovery, or are striving for change there is a journey there that we wish had an ending place… at least I do… or that’s how I behave anyway. So here we are undoing behaviors that, for all intents and purposes, are ingrained in us… strongly and hoping that when addressed and counseled just, poof, disappear. If only. The unfortunate truth is that it will probably take just as long to undo as it was actively ugly. SO…. we do things daily to gently remind ourselves to stay the course. Exhausting, no? Well no because it’s better. It just is. Some days it’s just harder. Harder but doable.

If you’re anything like me then you have a very good “forgetter”…. I can ride high for 2 or 3 weeks after a therapy or life coaching session because in those sessions I am reminded that I am not my past, that the work I’m doing is working magic, and I’m on a beautiful path. BUT after a couple few weeks I start to forget if I’m not doing the things that most benefit me, and I’m off… right back into old thinking. Sigh…. It makes me bat shit that it’s still there. I’ll have my wee pity party of why do I even bother if this is where my head is going to go eventually anyway??… And then when the party ends (which usually means telling on myself to a trusted friend) and I get back on course with meditation, work and reading, things miraculously start to look rosier again. What’s that called…. ebb and flow? Yeah, well if I’m being honest… ebb can kiss my ass. Alas, it’s progress not perfection. No shit on that note!

Okay… what was the other thing?? Oh right… It’s me. Dang namnit… it’s always me. Okay, not always, there are some real assholes out there… but mostly, yep, look in the mirror Einstein, your ego and your fear and your laziness are making everything and everyone the bad guy again. Isn’t that rich?? Ego and fear can make me quit, blame, cry, and crazy. Now that is exhausting.

It’s so much more productive and more pleasant to admit what the hell is going on and ask for help. So why is that so impossible? Well crap, because old behaviors are familiar and even comfortable…. sick as it is. It’s easier to feel those old feelings and respond accordingly than it is to keep propelling in the change. It just is. So we do the tug of war dance with our old self, and with what we’ve learned to help and heal us… and we choose. I’m grateful today that my choice, after my dance, always falls on the growth and change side, but it took a lot of time to get here. I still completely suck at allowing myself to get sucked in to the old stuff, but after some hard work, it’s shorter visits there and quicker recovery. In the end I know what to do, how to do it, what led me there, and what the healthier side looks like. I believe with how different things are today that only more good things are to come.

Never stop healing and improving upon yourself. You’re so very worth it.

 

Never Ever Ever

Here we go… One of my favorites… ALWAYS and NEVER. I always quit, I never cook, always, never, always, never. Ugh… It’s so final. Nothing is final. Do you feel me here? On a spiritual level, for sure. On an evolution level, totally. On a universal level, mmm hmmm. On an every day level, yep. Even if certain things are intellectually final, it’s still not a healthy place to reside. Saying I never cook implies that, well, I never cook. Which isn’t true in the first place, but psychologically sets me up to never learn to cook or like to cook by stating it so black and white as never. I always quit everything I’m good at. Ugh… that’s my pattern, for sure, but to state it with such finality leaves little room to change that pattern.

Two things… what we tell ourselves we generally end up believing. And what we think generally gets called into existence. So even if it is true that I normally quit things I’m good at, it would only serve me to stop talking about that in those terms. Rather saying the polar opposite in that I see things through. That is a much better place to reside in your mind.

A detrimental thing happens as we grow up… it’s so common and not what one would think as a problem, alas it is what allows us to see certain things as final. We, more times than not, get labeled or tagged as always being a certain way when we are children. Our parents talk about us with these attributes candidly as a way to sum us up. Sometimes with laughter, sometimes with frustration. But labeled with finality all the same. Think about it… in what ways were you labeled as a child? I was always late. A quitter. Terrible with money. And finally the black sheep. Guess how many of those things I carried into adulthood with me?? Yep… all of them. I’ve made conscience choices in the years since to change those things, but brought them with me I did.

It leads me to what this article is ultimately about… Let’s do always and never but let’s do it in a way that serves us by way of the universe and positivity. You feel me? I’m always successful. I’m always financially free. I’m always available to my children. I’m always an attentive wife. So, ok, there’s a finality to that too, but it’s less reckless. Those are things that we’re channeling and hoping to call into existence. Having a sense of finality in the area of positivity is not as detrimental as doing the always/never dance around things that hurt us or don’t serve us. And let’s face it, insulting or criticizing ourselves in the form of alwaysing or nevering is not just negative but toxic. It leads to more work in the self care, help, and healing arena. You bought into the negative always/nevers being thrown at you, try buying into the positive side, even if you have to fake it until you make it.

I say things every single day in the form of always that aren’t altogether true yet. But I believe them anyway. That, for the last ten years, has served me to call those things into existence OR made me much happier on my journey, rather than always making me bad and never being successful. Those lines of thinking only make life harder because negativity only breeds more of the same. It’s no different than anything else I talk about… it takes practice. The first step is not using those words at all. Replacing those words with other words altogether. No more always and never. At all. Ever. Then as things start to improve, because they will, then start adding always back in… but where it belongs. I always use the word always where it belongs. ๐Ÿ˜€

So, in conclusion, when you’re talking about yourself, get kind and get positive, because, yes, the universe is listening… but so are you.

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Get Out of Your Own Way

I work for a company that is unconventional. I think in some people’s minds that equals not legitimate… and that pisses me off really. I know that there were several schemes in the past. And I know that there are still some real scum bag people out there trying to put one over on you. But when someone decides that an opportunity is not legitimate because it asks you to invest in yourself, I get angry. Because here’s the thing… If you aren’t willing to investย in aย business that you are fortunate enough to own and run yourself then you’re basically saying that you don’t believe in yourself enough to go for it. I know this is controversial, I get it, but the truth is is that there is a whole bunch of naivete in thinking that someone will gift you a business for nothing. That would be awesome… I mean for sure. But very unrealistic. When you think about the way in which businesses are changing and what it actually costs to run a brick and mortar store front, the investment asked of us is small potatoes. The other way my ever positive mind works is, “what’s being out a bunch of money in comparison to what if it works?” Does that make sense? Safety is overrated. I’d rather take a huge gamble on myself and potentially make magic happen than live in a bubble of safe ‘what ifs.’ Any day of the week.

Hundreds of thousands of stores closed last year because of the way that shopping online is growing. And because online shopping continues to grow so does the need for online marketing as well as the need for technological education. Enter Network and Affiliate marketing. I know several, if not hundreds, of people personally who have had massive success running their businesses from home with these styles of businesses. And what’s not to love if it “actually works.” The ever quoted “laptop lifestyle,” work from home, spend more time with your family, improve your lifestyle, get out of debt… too good to be true, right? Ahhhhhh NO. It’s attitude. It’s mindset. It’s willingness. It’s understanding the way these businesses work and having patience. It’s understanding that some people do in fact get rich quick but that is not the promise going in. It’s understanding that even though it’s all of those awesome things listed above, it’s also equal parts hard work and positive attitude.

What I can promise is if you give something like this a try, you will find yourself in a way that no office job could ever offer. These businesses force you to get out of your comfort zone and grow in the same way going to therapy would. There’s enormous power in being surrounded by like minded people who are basically saying, “here, copy me on everything I’ve ever done, but find your niche, do it with your flare, and get successful too.” They’re selling you how they did it in a business in a box. They did all the hard work, found out what worked, and then wrapped it all up in an awesome little package that they ask you to invest in. It’s good business. It’s personal. You take the education piece and then fit it in around your business style and personality, you include the bits that are important to you, take what you need and leave the rest. But what is usually left, if you do the work, is a mighty nice income stream, inside an awesome business model, that you were gifted by investing in yourself. And molding that self into more than you ever imagined. I’m not joking… I’m doing Affiliate Marketing but in the course of doing so have found a platform for sharing on the things that I’m most passionate about. That is awwwwwsome, inexplicably powerful, life changing, relationship changing, and worth every single penny I’ve ever invested.

I love sharing about what it is I’m doing. This done-for-you, automated system is exactly everything I was hoping it would be and more. I’m able to attend all of my youngest’s appointments for his special needs, all of my children’s school and sports commitments, spend time with my husband and my friends, and most importantly do the things for me that equal my ability to do all of the above…. yoga, meditation, and more. Please feel free to look for me on Facebook, follow me here or on YouTube, check out my business link, or all of the above. The absolute best part of what I do is sharing it with others… telling people how they could change their lives too.